emma does not drink anymore... what a bore

Once upon a time there was a girl who ... woke up feeling hung-over and depressed.  Not quite the fairy tale that I want other people to see my life as being.  Not the fairy tale life I wanted for myself for that matter.


I'm pretty sure that looking in from the  outside I seem like someone with their shit life together.   Here's the thing though, I drink too much.  Far, far too much so now I say enough is enough- I will not drink anymore.
I read somewhere that you should write yourself a letter filled with all the reasons you won't drink anymore and then when you feel tempted, you read it.  I don't like writing letters, even as a child I had no patience for it.  I can blog though- I, Emma solemnly swear I won't drink any more and these are my reasons why.


I am tired of waking up feeling sick and ashamed.
I am tired of being terrified of my own call history.
I am tired of saying sorry for things I can't remember.
I am tired of laying in bed, wide awake in the early hours of the morning sweating and feeling my heart race- is this panic?  Is it alcohol sweating out of me? (how disgusting)
I am tired of the recurring fantasy I have when I am hung- over where I puncture a hole in my brain and alcohol flows out.
I am tired of feeling tired.
I am terrified that lately I can't stop breaking the rules I make for myself.  I will only drink beer, white wine etc., I won't drink alone, I will only have half a bottle- why can't I stop?
but I am also terrified
What if I am no fun anymore? 
How will I tell people?
What will my husband say?


what if I can't stop?


E